Shit Bougie Black Men Say | Top 10

Seems like everytime I turn around - there's always a current hot topic about the sistas.  You remember the ‘black women aren’t getting married and are remaining single longer than every other race on the planet’ craze.  When CNN jumps on a bandwagon you know it’s serious.  And my favorite – “Shit Bougie Black Girls Say” – they have just about every type of reenactment you can think of taking up space on YouTube.  I’m sure it comes in 40 different languages as well.

I was sitting here thinking – I know a ton of bougie black men!  Why haven’t I heard about a viral must-see video about them.  Scratching my noggin, I did what any college educated professional would do – I Googled it.  I was hard pressed to find one lonely YouTube video and one sad article on the matter.  Really people?!  Who do you think bougie black women are dating?  BOUGIE BLACK MEN. 

Shit Bougie Black Men Say | Top 10:

1. That ain’t her real hair?  Oh nah bro, I don’t do weaves.

Bougie black men denounce weaves like the plague.  They won’t touch it with a ten foot pole!  If your extensions are of impeccable remy quality and blended extremely well with your raw edges you may be able to get by until he realizes the truth, but be prepared to unveil the locks you were born with in exchange for his almighty company.

2. Let me check how much money I’ve made today.  I need to get back on this trading.

If you know a bougie black man you undoubtedly know he trades the stock market and/or forex market.  He and his other bougie comrades form secret trading societies to discuss tips and tricks and update each other on their latest investments.  Dating one of these men?  You have surely been put on hold so he could check the fruits of his mouse clicking labor.

3. She’s moving too fast bro.

Bougie black men have had it engraved in their psyche from their undergrad fraternity days at Hampton University, or the likes, that they are a great catch.  They expect you to want them, but the moment you show signs of wantingness they cringe in fear that you may want more than they intended to give.  WARNING: If you are age 27 or older and still on the market for one of these men, you will be approached with caution.  Bougie black men assume you crave to be married to any breathing male because your biological clock is ticking away.

4. See. That’s why you’re single.

These brothers will rattle off a series of reasons why you’re single from one casual conversation with you.  Everything you do or say will undoubtedly be the reason why you’re single.  These single men will Dr. Phil you to death about your single black woman flaws.

5. Nah not this weekend.  Me and the boys are flying to Vegas.

Why are they always flying to Vegas or L.A. with their boys?!  I guarantee you a true bougie black man has been to one or both of these places on two or more occasions.

6. Man this dude fucked up my edge up!

Want to piss a bougie black man off?  Mess up his hairline!  If you happen to be in the line of fire when this happens…RUN.  He will talk your ear off about some unnoticeable defect his barber gave him.  A bougie black man without a fresh hair cut is like a fat kid without cake.

7. Maan you think she’s pretty?!  Are you serious?

They argue about which beautiful super model status gazelle looks better.  The women under scrutiny are usually flawless, exotic, one-of-a-kind creations that they would have little to no shot of being in the same room with, but if you ask a bougie black man – “she ain’t badder than xyz”.

8. I get along with all types of people.

Bougie black men usually declare and decree they can get along with all types of people from all walks of life.  They pride themselves on being well liked in any social setting and almost always will inform you of their unique ability to do so.

9. I only drink imported beer

If you’ve ever been out with a bougie black man, he will 9 times out of 10 order an imported beer – then inform you (because you didn’t ask) that he only drinks imported beer.  The quality is blah, blah, blah…

10. I’m moving downtown dude.

They always want to move downtown into a high rise building.  It’s like the bougie black man’s ‘I made it stamp of approval’ to their other bougie black friends.

Am I lying? And please, feel free to add on peeps.

:::RiskiBusiness:::